Contacting non Shabbat-observant people in a different time zone when it’s Shabbat for them, but not for you
QUESTION
Is it permissible to have a phone call with someone non-observant in a time zone where it is currently Shabbat for them? I am assuming there is no particular need beyond the relationship. Does it make a difference if it is
a) a close relative/parent
b) if they call you rather than you calling them
c) if there is a need, but not a life-threatening need?
ANSWER
No, one may not have such a phone call.
There is a concept in the Gemara of מסייע בידי עוברי עבירה (mesaye’a bidei ovrei aveirah – assisting transgressors) which is distinct from the issur of לפני עוור (lifnei iver – “placing a stumbling block before the blind”). The latter (lifnei iver) applies, and is limited to, my providing the means (material or otherwise) which enables someone to do an aveirah (transgression). The former (mesaye’a) applies when I participate at the time of the aveirah, even if I am in no way enabling it (Mishna Avoda Zara 55a–b, and Rashi and Tosafot there).
Does it make a difference if it is a close relative/parent? What if there is a need, but not a life-threatening need?
The core issue of mesaye’a does not change. However, if there are serious shalom bayit (domestic harmony) issues and concerns of leading to antagonism toward Orthodoxy, or the fact that their child is observant, etc., those are certainly significant factors to weigh. This is especially considering that the level of Shabbat violation we are dealing with here is a halakhically minor one, albeit an experientially major one.
Does it make a difference if they call you rather than you calling them?
In this case, the fact that the person will not be keeping Shabbat now, regardless, is not relevant because you are participating in this violation. It is also important from the perspective of what messages it is sending the other person (you are actively supporting their non-keeping of Shabbat) and yourself (their non-keeping of Shabbat is not such a big deal), which might be a lot of what the issur of mesaye’a is about.
I will also say that when I was in Israel and Shabbat was over for me there, but not for people in the States, I did not send an email to someone in the States whom I knew would likely respond when it was still Shabbat for them. That was probably taking it a little far, as I was not actively participating bi’sha’at ma’aseh (at the time of the act), and they could have chosen to answer later, and they would be answering other emails, regardless. And yet, I did not want to be part, even at a distance and even asynchronously, of their non-Shabbat observance.
If you anticipate situations in which this conversation will come up, you might consider saying something along the following lines, if appropriate:
“Mom, I know that sometimes you want to text once Shabbat is over for me, even though it’s still Shabbat for you. Since it’s still Shabbat on your end, it’s hard for me to participate in a text exchange because that involves you writing on Shabbat, which is prohibited. I understand that staying in touch at that time is important to you, though. If you do reach out then, can you send a voice note rather than a text?”
The benefit here is twofold:
- A voice note is not even ketivah de’rabbanan (rabbinic-level writing), so much less problematic
- It makes your participation less of a condoning, to you and to them.
Of course, I understand if there are sensitivities that such a request might be counterproductive and not get off the ground.
