QUESTION

New York, NY

What are your thoughts on a teenager earning money and using ma’aser to support a financially struggling parent (while the teenager is still a dependent of that parent)? Is there already an obligation on the child under kibbud av va’em (honoring parents) to support the financially struggling parent? If that’s the case, does that mean that ma’aser cannot be used, or is there a reason to allow it?

ANSWER

The short answer is yes.

As you mentioned, the halakha is that we cannot use ma’aser money to pay for a mitzvah obligation (Rama YD 249:1), and therefore you might conclude that one cannot use it to fulfil the mitzvah of kibud av va’em. However, this mitzvah is different.

The mitzvah of kibud av va’em is accomplished through acts of service, which the child is obligated to perform (Kiddushin 31b, SA YD 240:4). However, we rule that the financial burden of kibbud av va’em falls on the parents (Kiddushin 32a, Tosafot Kiddushin 32a s.v. “oro lei,” Shulchan Arukh YD 240:5). Thus, there is no halakhic obligation for the child to expend funds for this, and therefore, ma’aser can be used.

However, Rishonim grapple with this issue. Based on the above, should we conclude that a child has no responsibility to support a parent who cannot afford food? The answer is that the child does indeed have an obligation to support a parent who cannot afford food, and the Rishonim offer two explanations for why. According to some, the obligation to support the parents is an extension of the obligation of kibbud av va’em (see for example, Ritva Kiddushin 31b). Others explain that the child is obligated to support the parents as a form of tzedakah (see for example, Tosafot Kiddushin 32a s.v. “oro lei”).

Even the first answer acknowledges that it is also a form of tzedakah. Given that, financially supporting parents is a perfectly acceptable way to use ma’aser money, if you do not have other means to do so (Rema YD 240:5).

See here for a similar discussion of this topic – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGr7By9qoTI&list=PLst5AFggXRph1CB6ZbOnM1D3FwOox3W6W&index=26&ab_channel=YeshivatChoveveiTorahRabbinicalSchool