JOFA Fireside Chat Archives | Rosh Yeshiva Responds

22 07, 2015

Levels of Obligation in Shemirat Negiah

July 22nd, 2015|Marriage and Family, Niddah, Sex, Yoreh De'ah|

QUESTION

What is the origin of our current expectation of extra marital shemirat negiah (abstaining from touch)? Is this truly a halakhic obligation?

ANSWER

Thank you for the question. The first thing to note is that not all forms of touch are the same. There is casual, non-sexual touch; there is intimate, and yet non-sexual touch; and there is sexual touch. Even within sexual touch, there is touch that is very proximate to the act of intercourse, and touch that, while sexual, is more distant from the act of intercourse. Halakha in general does not lump all acts along a spectrum into the same

22 07, 2015

Taking Valium to Tolerate Sex

July 22nd, 2015|Even HaEzer, Marriage and Family, Sex|

QUESTION

I was was sexually abused as a child by my father. Working with a therapist, I am working through the process of consciously remembering and trying to heal the trauma. I have a supportive, understanding husband who understands when I don’t want to or am not able to have sex, but I love him and don’t want to always say no to him even when that would be my preference. Is it ok to take Valium before sex so I can tolerate it as a gift to my husband?

ANSWER

Let me start by saying how my heart goes out to you

20 07, 2015

Condoms in Halakha

July 20th, 2015|Marriage and Family, Sex|

QUESTION

Is a condom ever permitted according to Halakha?

ANSWER

First, please note than an extensive presentation of the relevant sources on both sides of the issue, can be found in my source packet on birth control (in particular, the teshuvot of Rav Moshe, sources 41-44).

To respond briefly here – It is generally understood by the larger community that condoms are always forbidden. Amongst the poskim also, the dominant, although not unanimous, voice is that barring life-threatening situations (for example, a doctor who was poked by a dirty needle and is waiting for the results from an AIDS test,

20 07, 2015

Separating on Marriage Night (Dam Betulim)

July 20th, 2015|Marriage and Family, Niddah, Sex, Yoreh De'ah|

QUESTION

If a couple has sex the night of their wedding do they need separate immediately following intercourse? It feels like a punishment for couples who actually wait, not even being able to enjoy the a full night together and then separating for at least 12 days.

ANSWER

If the woman is a virgin and her hymen is not perforated then after the first act of vaginal intercourse, she and her husband have to separate. This is the principle of דם בתולים, that the first hymeneal bleeding, in the Talmudic and Geonic period, was treated as menstrual bleeding. This practice even grew to

20 07, 2015

Female Masturbation During Sheva Neki’im

July 20th, 2015|Marriage and Family, Niddah, Sex, Yoreh De'ah|

QUESTION

Are there halakhic concerns about a woman masturbating during the sheva neki’im (7 clean days before she goes to the mikveh)?

ANSWER

In regards to female masturbation in general, many poskim are of the opinion that this is permitted (you can hear our Joy of Text podcast on this topic, here). Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggrot Moshe EH 1:69) rules that it is nevertheless forbidden to be thinking of doing acts of sexual transgression, as this would fall in the category of הרהור עבירה, indulging in sinful thoughts. This may, however, only apply to cases where one is actual thinking about really doing such acts, and not

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